My Heaven at Night

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I was listening to the song above and realizing that the starting lyrics until "focused on floating, your focus is tight" are extremely true. When I got shot on April 18, 2009 around 2 am at a party, I literally saw the "light." Like, literally.

By the way: (As I write, I drink the best lemonade in the world from Chef Luciano's)

First of all, if you didn't know, as I was running out of a party where some people were shooting, there was this dude running and he pulled out a Revolver (who still has Revolvers? apparently him) and he fired two times. As I was making a motion to duck the shots, I noticed that my right leg left from under me. It just stopped holding me up and went numb. Then I suddenly felt the right side of my face go numb and thought I was hit there too. When I fell to the ground, my friend Mac told to hop to him and get out of the middle of the street. I hopped to homie and then that's when I was leaving for Heaven.... at night.

I got really sleepy and tired. All these people came from all directions and they began to ruin my sleep. All I wanted to do was rest my eyes for a few minutes until the paramedics came.

This girl, which was pretty decent, came and put my head on her lap and she began to fan me. She was creaming at me, telling me to stay awake. Then it was this dude named "Ice-G" that kept repeating his name to me so that my mind would keep operating.

Every time I would close my eyes, I saw a beam of white light surrounded by darkness. I felt like I was walking closer and closer and the light grew bigger. When I would open my eyes the light fade and I would see the people surrounding me. When I closed them again, the light started from the same place and it kept getting bigger and brighter. I kinda blacked out after the paramedics came and all I can remember vividly was seeing my mother and grandma as I was rushed to the OR then I blacked out again and slept for 24 hours after a 6 hour surgery.
Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Marty McFlying Out!!!
Delorean Style!

IDK

I really don't know what to say. I don't know if I'm taking it too far
again or if I'm right. This is very confusing. I've been hitting her up
but she hasn't been hittin' me back. Last time we talked we ended a good
note. We were all mushy and stuff but I don't know what's happened since
then. I'm so lost! I was worried about her but now that I know she's
okay, I started to feel extra stupid. I've been sending her a text a day
since Friday and I've received nothing. Is there something wrong. Even
if there is, she usually hits me back so this is why I'm so confused. I
miss her a lot. Maybe this is her way of telling me to leave her alone.
I'm not going to send her a messaging snapping or anything 'cause then
there would've been nothing wrong and then she would hate me again. I
just have bad luck with her. I just can't do anything right. Even with
all the "I love you's." Even if when I tell her she's the most amazing
girl in the world I love her more than I love my self (which I sent her
yesterday), I still can't get in good graces. Maybe I'm panicking and
I'm being paranoid. I'm really sorry if I hurt you, Babe. I really don't
know what I did. I couldn't send this in a message 'cause then I would
feel even more lame if she didn't hit me back. I'm lost, yo. I really
don't know what's going on anymore. Not even with my own life. I miss
her. I miss you, dude. I'll leave you alone if you want. You can't blame
me if I panic. Its not even that we haven't talked, its that she hasn't
hit me back and that sucks 'cause I don't know what I could have
possibly done to get this kind of treatment.
Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Marty McFlying Out!!!
In Sidekick Mode!

Woke Up With This In My Head

Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Marty McFlying Out!!!
Delorean Style!

Woke Up With These In My Head

Usually don't listen to these songs but these go hard. The-Dream is a beast!
Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Mart McFlying Out!!!
Delorean Style!

I Know Exactly What It Was...

When I was in the hospital, I really didn't have the opportunity to blo
and I broke my iPod so I began to rely more on her for comfort instead
of my usual therapeutic endeavors. When I lost those, temporarily, I
relied on her to relieve stress and sometimes she wasn't there.
Sometimes she couldn't be there. With all that accumulated stress, I
decided to let go of the person that was helping me relieve stress
sometimes.

I'm stressed out right now and guess what? I left my ear phones in the
house. These are the times I hit her up. The in between times and we
talk. Then I go to sleep with a smile on my face. I know she won't
answer the phone now-a-days so why bother. So I have to result to
someone else that's not as good but that is very necessary 'cause I need
help right now. It seems like stuff pile down on me everyday and I can
never catch a break. I wish she would answer but it's not even worth it
because then she'll have a nonchalant attitude and why talk to a person
that doesn't want to talk to you. The conversation would be awkward. So
I don't even bother any longer.
Peacin' Izzout!
Naneazy the Young Chief
The Plutonian Realtor!

Music

I don't know why but I use music to help me when I'm down and out or confused. Usually when I need some assistance, I go to the Peazy (iPod) and the right song comes on that gives me advice on my situation. I don't know how it happens but it does. I just got my therapist back because it was broken for a while. I've been making some horrible decisions lately and now I'm doing a little better. If I would have had my iPod to listen to, I would have never ended it. I'm not explaining my self. What's done is done and there's absolutely nothing that can be done. And there's absolutely nothing that will make her change her mind about the decision she made the other day. Maybe time could fix it but that just means I have to wait. After learning the hard way, I know that all I should do is just sit back and let whomever I'm dealing with think. I know, with her, it's officially over. The thinking has been done but in the future, I'll use what I've learned. I dreamt about her last night. I dreamt that that night she got the "bad vibe" from me actually went well and we went out the next day. It sucks that that didn't happen. Again, this is not an explanation. I'm not trying to get back in. I'm just venting. Just trying to let it all go. I'm not saying that I wouldn't again, if she gave me the proposal to return to being together, I would gladly accept because I enjoy her company. Like a lot.

Well...let me stop rambling even though it's my blog...lol. If she wants to, I want her to listen to Amanda Diva's "Little Things" and Sade's "Love is Stronger than Pride" and think about what she wants. I know she's not over me, 'cause I'm not o'er her (Peep the Shakesperean writing). We simply invested too much into each other to just let things go so easily. Unless...I don't know, it was a one way street... I know she's gonna think I'm mean for saying that but it just seems like she can just let it go so easily. She's showing me no emotion. I gues that's what you have to do to get your point across, huh? Once i'm gone though, it's hard to get me back.Really hard. i don't think it'll be hard with her though. If we talk about it and it's what we both want. If not then, bckcc (cool in twi). The "C"s are actually bakwards and they're pronounced like a short "O".



Couldn't find the Little Things...
Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Marty McFlying Out!!!
Delorean Style!

Woke Up With This In My Head

Maybe something's gonna happen today???lol
Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Marty McFlying Out!!!
Delorean Style!

Studio:Update (I actually wrote this last night)

I NEED TO GET IN ONE.

Life is really turning up right now. I don't know but, I feel good. Doesn't it seem like when you break up with someone, every girl in the world starts calling you? That happened to me today. How do they know? My relationship status on face book has said "single" for three weeks but we still talked but when we officially stop talking, they all hop down. It's scary.

Usually when that happens, she texts, telling me she wants to get back together. As soon as I decide I will give up and move on, she texts. Never called before other than that other day. And that was just a huge misunderstanding...lol. But as you know, she didn't listen to me and she pulled all the negative out of the situation. But that's her, my Babe. I don't think that's allowed anymore even though we agreed that in post-relationship times, we would still address each other as such but I don't know.

The other day I went out unexpectedly with my best friend and her brother. We had hella fun. I needed to get out that day too. I did something horrible and if I would've stayed in, it would probably gotten worse.

I really need some rest. I gotta go perform at the school tomorrow. I know, when I said I would never return, I gotta go back already. I really don't plan on returning. There's nothing in that school that I want to turn back to. My high school career sucked. I started becoming more outspoken towards my senior year and it was kinda too late. We had good times though. I don't really have anything to back to, now that that's over. I do have my best sophomore friend to see when I come back though but I can just hit her up and we could chill...lol. I'm sorry NHS, I may not be attending the alumni day.

I'm so ahead of my time right now.

I'm talking about Winter Break in college and I just graduated out of high school...lol.

I hope she doesn't think I won't miss her. I most definitely will, I just think it'll be better if we just stay away from each other because we may try it again and then she has to go through more agony. I don't want to cause her any more pain so, how do you do that? We stay away from each other. Friends? Of course. Just not like that. I'll rather not get too close again to her. I'm too much of a bad person for her to deal with.

I'm not being an a**hole, I'm being a realist.

And it's crazy because I've been thinking about her a lot lately. Maybe it's because we don't talk and since we don't talk, that opens a window for thoughts about her. I'm trying to keep the thoughts to a minimum 'cause then, I'll have to text or call her and she doesn't want that.

I will always love her. She may not believe that but I do. Maybe when/IF we do meet again, it'll be because it was meant to be forever. But that time is definitely not now. She's made it clear.

I'm a bad person.

So, to not cause her to be physically ill anymore, we part ways, maybe forever. Who knows?

But for now, I go out and do what I have to do for my family and me to be happy for the rest of our lives. I worry about the future when it reaches me.
Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Marty McFlying Out!!!
In Sidekick Mode!

P.S.
Why don't I talk directly to her anymore? Because I don't believe she still reads. She doesn't have to. She never did but it was sort of her job to stand by me in all the things I cherished and one of them was my blog. I mean of course she can just like it and like to read it but I doubt that anyone likes this blog...lol.

I'm an Obama Graduate!

Our guest speaker today at my graduation told us we were the graduate of the "Obama Era" and I accept and honor that to its fullest potential. Today feels good, not as bad as yesterday but not perfect. I don't why I've been feeling so down lately but my spirits were definitely lifted when Ms. Monik called my name to walk across the stage.

I was surprised how everyone cheered for me when I was called. I almost fell off of my crutches...lol.

I'm bored now and I'm waiting to go to my bro Mack Maine's house for "Jamaican Cuisine!" Then after.....we'll see maybe the movies with the "BEST."

Yeah, that's your name now...lol. You know who you are.

Wow, this a new and huge chapter in my life. I'm going on to be the best that I can be.

No, I'm not going to the army. That's just a little coinki dink.

I'm going to college. I'm looking like BV right now. I know some people that will be very happy that I'm going there and some people that are going to be pretty sad but it's ok because this is not the last of our encounters unless I don't mess with you like that.

I gotta get in the stu to make the summer mix tape. I got a real stu to record at it so it might be. Right now I got writer's block so I don't know. I'm trying though. I definitely got my inspiration back. Yes, the Peazy. I fixed it so I may be back on the bandwagon very soon. I wanna make this though. It's very important that I keep pushing these tapes out. I got the world to feel me and understand the plutonian.

I have to go so...

Congratulations to King College Prep's Graduating/Graduated Class of 2009 and all other graduates. Peace and much love to ya.
Peacin' Izzout!

I'm Marty McFlying Out!!!
Delorean Style!